The Ups and the Downs

It’s been a rough week or so.

We found out last week that my cousin who had been battling cancer for a number of years had passed away. No matter how much you think you are prepared for something you know is going to come one day, you aren’t.

It has been a couple of years since I last saw her in person and whilst we all stay in touch over social media and such like, it just isn’t the same. Some times it’s hard having a family spread across the country, and time flies past far too quickly being caught up in the day to day struggles of our own lives.

 

The following day was pride. Something I have wanted to take part in for years and was really, really looking forward to. It felt weird to be so colourful and cheery considering and the weather certainly wasn’t on our side. But despite getting drenched and tired, the experience was a great one and I can’t wait to take part again next year.

 

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Plymouth Pride 2018

 

Mid week the girls had their first salon experience. Which was lovely. I took them to my hair stylist for a long overdue cut and they had a great time! It’s really nice that they are getting to the age where we can do things like this together. Quality time and fun, taking the edge off the hardness of single parenthood!

 

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Hairdressing Fun Times

 

The week ended with a high though, a day out to Paignton for their Children’s Week activities, although to be honest I didn’t think that much of what was on offer that day. However we ended up going for their first ever trip to the circus! Im a massive circus fan and hoped they would be too, and needless to say they loved it. The looks on their faces in awe of the acrobatics and gymnastics, the laughter at the “clowns” and such like, it truly was a wonderful experience and one I hope to repeat every year 🙂

 

I’ve found the last week or so draining. The spoons are certainly low at the moment and the pain high. My head is still flying around all over the place and it’s a constant struggle every day.

Living with chronic pain and fatigue is a constant battle and when bad news hits or the weeks are long (summer holidays) it really takes its toll. It’s easy to forget when you look at me and see what appears to me a normal life on the outside how much I am carrying around. It’s been a lot of ups and downs and I can certainly feel it at the moment. Lets hope that the next isn’t quite so bad eh 😉

Chaos of the Mind

I live surrounded by chaos.

Chaos of clutter, chaos of the mind, chaos that comes with being a parent.

My mind is constantly running a hundred miles an hour. Thoughts and fears and plans and worries. Trying to remember everything I need to do. Trying to plan for every circumstance. Trying not to overthink every small detail of what has happened and what could happen.

My life feels so up and down, surrounded by so many pitfalls and walls I have to overcome. Constant chaos that wears me down.

I want to streamline. My life, my home, my mind. Try and create some calm amongst the storm inside. It’s hard. I try every day and the pain and the fatigue wear me down as well and its like I’m just treading water. Never really getting anywhere.

I have so much to do and so very few spoons to achieve it.