This week has been a tough one, for many reasons but also a bit of reflective joy. It’s half term which is always a bit of a mad one when you have kids, but unfortunately uni doesn’t stop for half terms so that makes it extra hard, especially as a single parent.
Some mad searching a few weeks ago finally landed me upon a holiday club run on the other side of town so hastily booked it was. Worried about finding the place and how the kids would take to it were certainly top of my mind. I have only been driving for a little over a year so new places especially in a city full of big scary roundabouts, terrifies me.
We got there relatively unscathed and the kids loved it, so much the biggest didn’t want to leave! So the rest of the week went well and it got easier driving to and from as I got used to the route a little more each time. Crisis adverted.
Of course it was also valentines day this week, which is always a *joy* when you’re a singleton. No flowers or cards here just Chinese for one and some NowTV for me lol.
It does however mark just over a year since I left my abusive relationship and the journey I have had since. I have become stronger, wiser and starting to find myself again. It is really hard to come away from mental abuse, it has taken me a long time to trust my own thoughts again after being convinced by someone things are in your head and that you are in the wrong when you aren’t. To rebuild my life away from that place has taken time and is still an ongoing process. The best thing I did was move away from the area, closer to family and a proper support network. My mum is my world and I truly don’t know where I would be without her.
So yeah its been an up and down week, but I thought I would finish with another one of my old dug out poems from many moons ago. It’s simply called “words” and in some ways seems fitting.
Words are an expression of our deepest soul
A community in language, speaking our lives
A single word can lead to eternal happiness, or eternal pain
Words have the power to change lives,
As well as rebuild
Everything from a gentle lullaby to a torrent of abuse
All consist of the same base….Words
Nothing can compare to their power
Nothing can escape their will
And nothing can stop there being, a last…
I finally got around to sorting out my office….well its still work in process really, but at least now it is usable!
The office became a dumping ground when I moved for anything to be unpacked later or things without a place etc. Not only was it unusable but it got to the point when I couldn’t even get in it to print something out! But now it’s sorted, yey!
Whilst on this epic mission of clearance and sortage I came across a load of my old writing. I used to write a lot, stories, poems, songs. These days I haven’t had the time or muse to produce much but it is nice to come across a selection of my past efforts.
I may post some of it from time to time, if I feel anything is half decent (not toooooo cringe worthy lol). It may inspire me again!
For now I will leave you with a short poem I wrote last year as part of a random bit of my course.
“Home is a strange place really.
It’s not where you stay
It’s not where you live.
Home is safe, warm and loving.
Home is special, and cannot be replaced.
It isn’t a house, a street or a country
It isn’t a nationality or necessarily where you belong.
Home is inside, somewhere close.
Where you feel safe and loved.
Home is in you and the people you care about.
It cannot be built
It cannot be made
It cannot be chosen by another.”
It’s been a long time since I acted in anything (other than life haw haw).
I used to belong to a wonderful group called the South Devon Players and have remained close friends with them over the years. So when the auditions for their latest show, based on the history of Jack the Ripper, came up I decided to try out for a small part and take the dive back into the wonderful world of theatre.
The script is amazing and a credit to my wonderful friend who wrote it, so much talent radiates from her, she truly is an inspiration.
I am very excited to say I got a part and am very much looking forward to getting my teeth into it as soon as possible. With rehearsals starting straight away, it certainly will be a challenge for me!
I only hope the juggling of being a single mum, a full time uni degree, my condition and now this isn’t more than I can chew, but then I never was one to take the easy road!
I will post more updates as and when, and of course details of where the show can be seen as soon as they are available, so watch this space!